ME, THE BEAK, AND THE OLD BILL
It was the tradition in the Royal Navy up till the 1970's, that every
rating received a rum ration at midday - every day - whether serving in the far north, the
Tropics, a ship anywhere in the world, or a navy base at home and abroad. Although the
ration was made up of 2 parts water and two parts rum, it added up to a full cupful and
believe me, it packed quite a punch. How duties were ever carried out after lunch (or
dinner as we knew it then) is still - after 55 years - a source of amazement to me!
Now rum and fags were a source of currency on any of HM ships. If you did a
small favour for someone, such as posting a letter ashore, he gave you a sip of his rum
(known as Sippers). If you set up his hammock whilst he was still ashore prior to coming
back on board, he gave you a couple of mouthfuls of rum (Tasters). If you did a really big
favour, such as covering up for him whilst absent or swapped watch keeping duties, you got
a whole mouthful. That was known as known as Gulpers.
BUTTERBOY DAYS
It was in the late summer of 1949 on a beautiful Saturday evening at about 6.30. I had
been cabbing for about 2 weeks when I drove into Victoria Station via Eccleston Bridge and
down the old slope (no raft then) onto the Golden Arrow platform where the trains from
France arrived. I picked up a four hander and 4 cases to Waterloo.
I drove a ‘high lot’ which was open to the elements. It had an open
near-side with half a drivers door and that was it! I secured the luggage with the strap
and away we went. I didn’t use Birdcage Walk but used Victoria Street as there was no
one-way system in those days, so it was a lot simpler and shorter.
All was fine until I made the turn into Parliament Square followed by a right
turn towards Bridge Street. Suddenly a piece of luggage - which had been put on without my
knowledge - departed from the cab, skidded right across the road and landed at the feet of
a young copper who was on point duty! There were no traffic signals then. As I pulled up,
the notebook was already out and he proceeded to take my details before walking around the
back of the cab followed by the front before going to the back again! I asked him to check
the extras reading on the meter to prove I had not known of the fifth luggage piece, but
it was of no avail, I was to be reported.
Sam Harris looks back at days gone by
Sure enough, about 2 weeks later a registered letter
arrived inviting me to appear at a Magistrates Court in Central London for a 2
o’clock hearing. I turned up feeling rather nervous as I had never appeared in a
Police Court before, other than as a spectator. I was first to go and I asked one of the
Duty Officers who would be presiding that day. He gave me a name. Now this particular
Magistrate had had a distinguished wartime career in the Royal Navy and I had heard of him
and his exploits.
"Sam" I said to myself "there are Brownie points for the
taking if you play it right."
COPPER'S ALMOST TRUE REPORT
Prompt on time (30 minutes late), my case was called and I trooped into the dock. I
confirmed my name and address which was followed by the charge being read out. It spoke of
not securing items etc and asked how I pleaded.
"Not guilty, your worship" I replied. The young copper who had
nicked me then took the Oath and gave details correctly, except for the bits he
conveniently left out! The Mag then asked me if I had any questions for the officer. I
said I had and was invited to question him.
"Are you a Carriage Officer", I asked.
"What’s that?" the Bobby replied.
That was when I realised there was two Butterboys in the Court - me and the
old young Bill. Then I proceeded to lay it on him. I explained who a C.O. was and asked
him why he had seen fit to go round the cab three times. He said that he couldn’t
remember, so I took him through it to refresh his memory. "Ah yes" he said
"I went round the rear to check the number plate and went back to the front to make
sure that it tallied with one at the rear".
"What about the return to the rear?" I asked.
"Well" said young Bill, "I omitted to check
the plate number when I went round the rear the previous time".
The Mag was looking a bit peed off by then and asked me if I had any further
questions.
"Just one more" I fawningly replied before turning back to the
copper. "When I asked you to check the readings on the extras part of the meter you
refused. Why was that?"
"Well", he replied, "I didn’t think it was
relevant".
WELL YOU SEE M'LUD....
The beak asked me what the point of this question was, so I explained that the extras
would have shown a little more than what was actually on the hickory and proceeded to
explain how the extras were made up.
"Thank you" he said, "is there anything else you would like to
say, he asked.
"Yes please your worship" I replied. Now came ‘show-time’
- the killer punch!
"Sir", I said, "I have been out of the Royal Navy for almost 3
years now, but one of the first things I learned when I joined a ship was the command:
‘secure for sea’. This meant the stowing away of all loose articles in lockers
and securing by means of ropes etc anything that could not be stowed away. This vital rule
of the sea has been with me during the whole of my seagoing voyages - and on land - even
to the extent that in civilian life I have always remembered it, especially when having
articles put onto the side of the cab. That’s all and thank you Sir".
The Magistrate then addressed the Court and stated that he was not
satisfied that an offence had been committed, bearing in mind that the suitcase had been
put on without my knowledge and especially in view of the driver's last statement. Then
turning to me, he said that I was free to go. At the same time, I looked into his eyes and
they seemed to be saying:
"Son, this is your lucky day, you owe me gulpers…!"
