KEEPING UP (KNOWLEDGE) APPEARANCES.
By John Gallinari
So we other three all appeared this week (I'd taken some time off from college to get ready). Steve and Chris both appeared on Tuesday and I went yesterday (Thursday). Steve got scrubbed and is back to the start of 28s, so he has zero points and another seven attempts to get to twelve points. He blanked badly on London Business School to the LSE, he said. He's gutted but feels it was a fair decision. Chris got to twelve points and got dropped to 21s and is now re-reading the Highway Code in preparation for the driving test which he has to book next time.
I had my worst panic attack yet. I arrived needing six points and two appearances to get them in. I booked in, went to the waiting room, said good morning to the others and was called out by Mr Price ("if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?"). He lead the way down the corridor (his room has a nice view down Pentonville Rd and you can read the time on the clock at St Pancras station).
I sat in the chair and was panting (I've tried those nicotine patches, but you just can't get a
First question: RNLI to Maritime House. Phew! I know them! I managed to call it even though my mouth was dry and my tongue felt like it was a piece of dried out old leather. My back is damp now and something is trickling down my neck.
Next up, St George's Pool to St George's Fields, nailed the pool, fumbled for and got the housing estate with a little help from my friends.
"It's a bit posh for a housing estate." said Mr Price. I wanted to say that even posh people have to live somewhere, maybe I did, but maybe I just gibbered.
The backs of my knees are wet, my heart is going like a troop of Japanese temple drummers and my stomach has twisted itself into a double clove hitch with a sheep shank. This is good! It means that my breakfast wont be making an appearance (this is Wednesday's breakfast, I've been too edgy to eat today).
Third and final question (there may have been more, I just don't remember). Plaisterers Hall to the Tea and Coffee Museum (like I need caffeine at a time like this!). Noble St. Ah yes, L Oat Lane, R Staining Lane, onto Gresham St past the Piccolo where rumour has it that the doom & gloomers sit about all day moaning
Mr Price asks me if I'm nervous. I don't even think about trying to bluff him, I come clean and admit it. I point to the map on his wall and tell him that he could ask me any one of 100,000 questions about London and at any one time I'll have the answer to 70,000 in my head and that the big worry is that he'll ask me one of the 30,000 things I don't know or have forgotten.
He smiles and says "We usually try to ask you things that you don't know." I know he was joking (he WAS joking, wasn't he?). He recommended deep breathing to calm myself down. I might try it with laughing gas. I score a C - three points - so next time I need a C or better to move on to the suburbs.
It's so hot at the booking-out window that I swab myself down with my handkerchief, the screen on the booking system PC flickers. I flicker back, I think it's the right answer.
The next person who says `minicab' gets effingwell ruined….
John Gallinari has now obtained his ‘green badge’. Good luck for the future, John and be lucky…Ed
