The Mayor
Although much of what I write is current when I write it, by the time you see it here, you may well be fed up reading about it! But here goes anyway...
   First off this month is our Mayor - more pink than "red" as of late - who seems to have squandered more than £4million in his High Court claim against ppp (part privatisation) of the tube and underground system. Rest assured this will not come out of his own pocket or from the purse of the GLA, but from you and I via our additional council tax levied on us by him. Like the government, local councils do not have any money, it is our money. His lawyers should have known that although he is (allegedly) in charge of transport, he does not own it. As he neither owns the roads, perhaps a campaign should be mounted to prevent his absurd congestion charge?

The Prince
It is said that with age comes wisdom, but when will Prince Phillip start to show either. He is not known as the Prince of Gaffs for nothing and his latest gaff must rank close to the top of his list. He wants to ban tourists from London! Well let me be one of many to tell him that without them - and they have been a bit thin on the ground this year - spending their pounds on our national sights, theatres and museums, London would be a poorer place in more ways than one. It is not Londoners who pay upwards of £10 to visit his residence at the end of The Mall, ask any Londoner when they went on the London Eye or last saw a show - 

The Crook
We have now let almost 1000 criminals out of prison early because of faceless judges in Euroland who have decided that to add on days as extra punishment for fighting or being unruly, is unjust. Not only must the days be taken off, but also reduced from the original sentence. If we were to adopt the American system of judgement whereby the time to be served is a minimum and not a maximum, perhaps our jails wouldn't be so crowded and a fifteen year stretch would mean just that - not seven years plus remission for time served while awaiting sentence.

The Illegal Immigrant
While on the subject of prison sentences, what of the illegal immigrant who didn't like this country as much as he thought he might and so decided to leave? He obtained a false passport after just a week here and was already at his port of exit, when an astute customs officer noticed his forged documents. He is now serving six months in prison before being deported. Why not send him to Sangatte and tell the mob over there that this is not the land of homes and benefits. What a pity he wasn't stopped on entry instead of exit.

The Bank
I had to read this item several times before managing to digest it. The Hong Kong and Shanghai Bank - which likes to be known as the HSBC but which is still referred to as The Midland by most of its clients - also calls itself the world's "local bank." Fine so far, after all isn't a bank a bank and isn't it "local" to you and I?
   But when it comes to the Midland - sorry, HSBC - the

"local" bit has a rather hollow sound to it because if you phone them up and get through to their call centre, the chances are that you will be getting through to someone in India! Yes, the Hong Kong and Shanghai are living up to their name and have shanghaied the staff who used to answer their phones with the option of "...move to India and work for a fraction of the wages or go to Barclays!" Well chaps, if I was with the HSBS, that's exactly what I would do now - go elsewhere!
   If our country and the billions they earn from us isn't good enough for them, then neither is my custom and I would go elsewhere...

...And Everything Else!
Over the years we have mined the wrong coal, had the wrong leaves on the tracks, even the wrong snow and rain to help with our water supply. The latest in a long line of "wrongs" are the weapons that our armed forces use. Our ships have no fuel, our tanks can't go through the sand, our guns jam and can't fire the bullets, while the most absurd part is that the boots - the mainstay of any army - melt in the heat. With the two Presidents talking of war in Iraq, maybe G.I. Joe or Action Man would be our best bet. Just as well we won the first two World Wars.

Chas Kissin (P99J)