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COMPLAINTS OFFICERS REPORT                    PHIL MESSIAS F41

After a lull in complaints, October and November have proved the opposite.  In the past I have dealt with secondary complaints, but now be warned, some of the complaints will go through a complaints meeting.

Let me introduce you to the most unusual complaint of the year.  It occurred when a driver arrived a city bank to pick up a credit job going to Maidstone.  Nothing unusual about that? True, but this time our driver already had a passenger………… sitting beside him in the luggage compartment!  What was he doing there?  Well he was learning the ropes on how to be a cab driver! Now, after we’ve all recovered from those cracks about “doing his suburbs” and “ at least they could hold hands on the way back,” let me say that although the complaints committee were lenient with the offender (and it is an offence, both against the society’s rules and the laws of the land), they assure me that the next person found guilty of it could find himself talking to his friend rather than his radio…………….. because HE PROBABLY WON’T HAVE ONE!

The results of the complaints meeting held on Tuesday 1^st November were:

R. Tendler                                (R21)    False Position                            2 week suspension

M.K. Maher                             (R9)     False position                            4 weeks suspension

A.P. Kuropatva                         (D82)   Conduct likely to bring the

                                                            Society into disrepute                 Severe reprimand

R. Bromley                               (E22)    Failing to keep radio contact

                                                            whilst on a credit job                  2 weeks suspension

My boy is a five-year-old skinhead.  The teacher said “Johnny, if you had eight sweets and I took half what would I have?”  “A broken arm Miss!”

A little chap walks into the Motor Show in London.  There on one stand is Mr. Henry Ford, this fellow goes up to him and says, “Excuse me, are you Mr. Ford the big motor tycoon?!”  Ford says “That’s right Sir.”  He says “I read I a motoring mag that you built a car in one minute thirty five seconds.”  Mr. Ford says “As a matter of fact we’ve built a car in one minute ten seconds flat…” The little chap says “Yeah I know, I ‘ve got it………!”

The wife was moaning about me going out at night, so I took her to the pub.  I said “What will you have to drink?”  “The same as you” she said.  I ordered a pint of bitter, but she spat it out.  “What’s the matter?” I asked.  “How can you drink this horrible muck?” I snapped “There, I told you didn’t I?……… And you think I’ m enjoying myself.”

Everyone is on strike these days.

I heard two union blokes talking, one said quiet innocently: “I see the daffodils are out!” The other said “are we going out in sympathy?”