NO ONE
HIDES
FROM BIG AL |
started a novel delivery service. For the sum of
8 marks (£4) they will deliver to any address within 20 km of
the centre, a packet of three condoms at any time of the day or
night. No wonder the East
Germans are always trying to get to the west.
The joint radio taxi association have been trying to get a joint
meeting desk at Heathrow where passengers from any of the
circuits can wait for their driver. The chances of success, I’m
afraid look slim….
Following ComCab’s successful venture into the word of credit
unions and with Mountview almost ready to join them, snitches
are reporting enquiries into the subject from a Dial-a-Cab. If
it’s true, then why not make it a joint venture with Mountview?
For the last two months, this column (that’s me) has said that
before long ComCab’s drivers would be wearing uniforms. It has
always been denied. Now their magazine, Link, has asked drivers
what they think of the idea. Mark my words…
Guest despatcher Phil Kirby couldn’t understand why he wasn’t
getting a flood of call signs when offering a £1.60 run- in on a
credit ride!
Mountview have taken a leaf from our book and introduced no
destinations between 7-10am. They’ve also gone one step further
by not even saying whether the job is cash or credit.
HOMELESS MECHANIC
Well, I told you it would happen. This
society’s short-sightedness has cost night men the services of
K33, Norman Jackson. It was obvious that he wasn’t using the cab
as a cab in the true sense, because the passenger compartment
was always filled up with taxi spares. Yet he was still made to
pay the same £52 subs that the rest of us paid. That two-way
radio meant that Dial-a-Cab drivers had first priority to his
services. Many times each week he went to where the drivers had
broken down if they couldn’t get to his rank at the Royal Oak.
Now his radio has gone because he couldn’t afford to lose that
£52 (or 3.5p per driver per month) so what happens now? If you
break down and manage to get to the Oak, then he’ll see to you
from his van. If you can’t get to the Oak, you can phone him on
his vodaphone but we are all just drivers to him now. He
certainly owes no allegiance to this circuit after its
penny-pinching attitude and it seems likely that another
circuit, who I can’t name at the moment, will be giving him a
radio free of charge in his van, which will mean their drivers
getting the sort of service we used to get. Mind you, at least
we have the consolation of having saved 3.5p each…
PROBLEM OF THE MONTH
I’ve been inundated by one or two of
you snitch lovers out there to introduce a personal problems
page. This is to ease the pressure on Lou Gitlin who is up to
his eyeballs dealing with emotional and sexual problems on the
Saturday evening shift. You know the address to write to. No
names will be mentioned unless I don’t like you. This month’s
comes from a 41 year-old driver who I shall call Mr B. His
problem is that his wife has run off with the milkman and that
has left him in a bit of a tight spot because he’s now got
nothing to put on his rice krispies. My answer? Dear Mr B –
don’t let it worry you because things could always be worse. She
might have run off with the chap who sells you your toilet
rolls…
DISPATCHER’S DELIGHT
Have you sometimes felt that a
despatcher has given you a kick in the Oliver Grumplings? You
know the feeling. You come in for a job and the despatcher says
you can’t have the job because you are more than two calls out.
Then the next day you hear someone getting a job when he’s about
four calls out and the despatcher tells him to buck his ideas up
and get in quicker in future. Well, if you have had your Olivers
kicked, then tough titties because I think all our despatchers
are wonderful human beings – Howard is just wonderful – and I’m
not saying a bad word against them. Besides which I haven’t got
rid of last month’s bruises yet…
HAPPY EVER AFTER
The incumbents of the Joint Radio Taxi
Association (JRTA) are becoming very friendly towards each
other. How nice it was to see Geoff Kaley visiting Brunswick
house and Stanley "another fine mess" Samuels leaving
Mountview’s confines to visit ComCab at Woodfield
Rd and coming to say hello to uncle Ken at BH. It’s really
wonderful being able to forget that ComCab pinched the BBC
account by creeping in the back way and that Mountview went
behind our backs and did a deal with Aunty. The ability to
forgive and forget is wonderful. I wish I could learn it…
See you soon
Big Al |
The Cab Trades Funniest and Serious
Columnist
Hello again and welcome to my humble little corner. I feel
doubly sad this month. No doubt you have all heard by now that
we are going over to MDI from Dowty for all our data despatch
requirements. I know for a fact that the Board deliberately
waited until I had learnt how to spell Dowty before they
announced the change and as if that news wasn’t enough, I heard
last week that there never was a Mr Kipling and that his
exceedingly good cakes were made in ordinary ovens by ordinary
bakers. For goodness sake, how much can a man be expected to
take! Meanwhile…ALL’S WELLS THAT
ENDS WELLS
One of our former night despatchers, John "Mr Reliable" Wells
has won a nice little prize from his new masters at Computer
Cab. John decided to trade his wares at Woodfield Road after
hearing about ComCab’s six-week free trial. Fate decided that
John, a former Taxi Driver of the Year winner, was to be their
1,000th free trialist. This honour won John a weekend
at the swish Hotel L’Horset Pavilion in Paris for himself and a
friend. The free trials have now ended as they were probably
worried in case they got another Johnny Wells! If you happen to
read this John, I’m only joking, if you are not…
Incidentally for those of you who don’t know, we don’t give free
trials, but have a waiting list as long as your arm and mine
together. We are the dearest to belong to and yet at the last
induction of 100 drivers (Victors) 80 of them came from Com Cab
we must be doing something right.
P.S Johnny well is now Com Cabs night despatcher.
NOT TONIGHT JOES-A-PHONE
It seems that some of you took me at my word and phoned former
London taxi driver Joe Brett, my mate in Israel. Unfortunately
the printer missed out a number, so you have been getting
disconnected tomes. So here goes again. If you’re going to
Israel in a party of five or six, you can book Joe to give you
the greatest guided tour you’ve ever had. Five or six and it
works out cheaper than a bus tour (£120 per 12 hour day, between
you) so here goes again with the correct number – Israel 053
347812. Give him my best wishes and tell him I will have my
commission in Falafel!
YOU…WILL…READ…THIS
Several ishes ago, I mentioned being
hypnotised in the old Granby Grill by one of our subscribers. At
the time he was an apprentice hypnotist and I couldn’t reveal
his name, now he has passed his exams and is a fully-fledged
hypno-therapist. Many drivers asked me who it was, but as a man
of the utmost discretion I refused to tell his name. Now all can
be revealed and it’s none other than Call Sign’s editor -
drawing expert extraordinaire and professional cheapskate, Jery
Craig. If you feel that hypnosis may be the answer to a
particular problem, then get in touch with Jery - no rude
problems please, the man is very shy!
GODFREY BRADMAN.
By the time you read this item, it is
going to be rather dated but I had to say something. Most of us
have picked up Mr Bradman at some time or other. He doesn’t say
a lot or smile too much come to that. But after he gave
£2million to help a group of people who were in legal dispute
with a vast drug company and who were on the point of giving up
because of the huge costs involved, who can now deny that the
man is a gentleman with a capital G…
BITS N’ PIECES
Mountview’s buckaroos have now raised
the minimum amount of credit rides all members of their circuit
have to do up to 40 per month. We are now the only circuit not
to have a minimum. We had one but couldn’t carry it out because
of procedural difficulties.
ComCab have swiped one of Mountview’s better accounts – NatWest in
the city…
Metro have captured Davis Polk and Wardwell, they of Fredericks
Place, I wouldn’t mind but it took me six months to learn how to
get there…
Speaking of Metro, I have to apologise for suggesting that former
Dial-a-Cab football manager, Nick Kallisperos might be joining
Metro. Sorry Nick, I can’t always be right.
You might be interested to know that Nick Kallisperos has joined
Metro.
A radio taxi company in Frankfurt, Germany have |
