Yes, it is me. You wouldn’t believe the hassle I get from this new Editor. Jery was a pleasure to write for but this guy nags and nags - and then when you write the piece, he leaves it out! Some people just cannot be pleased…..
APOLOGY
It seems that I owe someone’s wife an apology. In a Big Al issue
sometime last year (or was it the year before - time goes so quickly when you are having
fun!) I apparently said: It isn’t always easy to provide entertainment for the Mrs.
Obviously I had misheard my informant (Crazy Joe) and it should have read: It isn’t
always easy to provide entertainment for the masses! Sorry Beanie, Joe wasn’t having
a go at you again and he asks me to tell you that it is about time you forgot about the
donkey, the traffic warden and the three crates of baby oil…!
HAPPY ENDINGS?
I recently had a chat with a lady who goes from Westbourne Park Road to
Balham Station three times a week where her husband waits for her. She was telling me
about the "old days" in London’s East End where she used to live in her
father’s pub, about some of the famous villains and how the East End was a much nicer
and safer place when the Kray’s were running the joint. Regardless of whether that
was true or not, she went on to tell me about an incident in the early sixties when she
was in her late teens and how a bank robbery had gone wrong. She saw two apparent robbers
hightailing it down Vallance Road with a sack containing stolen banknotes and two coppers
chasing them. Then the sack fell and the police told the young girl (who grew up to be my
passenger) to look after the bag and that they would come back after catching the crooks.
She naturally looked in the bag together with several others who had gathered
around the scene. It was stuffed full of £5 and £1 notes. The young girl told the others
that she was going to look after it until the police returned. The others said "oh no
you aren’t" whereas she replied "oh yes I am"!
What happened next? I don’t know because we arrived at Balham Station and her husband was waiting there parked in his Roller! Isn’t it the pits when you miss the end of a good story through arriving earlier than you had hoped at the destination! So, if any of you pick up Mary from Westbourne Park to Balham, ask her what happened next…and find out how her husband got his Roller….!
EDITOR’S SEX JOB
Well, well, well. Did you know that the Editor of this periodical was about
to write a sex column for a young ladies mag? Thought not! He has been rather slow in
putting the word about, has he not!
Seems that there is a teen and twenty mag for girls called Minx that contains
material that wouldn’t have been allowed twenty years ago in 208 or Bunty! Nowadays,
young ladies read about under-age pregnancies and see male superstars in various stages of
undress in addition to reading about problems that would only have been seen in Forum all
those years ago. It seems that our illustrious Editor, AF, was offered a job with Minx
writing answers on their ‘Problem Page’. He said yes (some people will do
anything for money, right?) and completed a ‘test’ reply. This involved giving
advice to a lady whose sex life needed spicing up and who intended doing that by chasing
the men and taking the lead to do whatever it is that is done in those positions.
Having seen his reply, I have to say that I was shocked at the overtones of
it. Disgusted may have been another word! Then he found out that each
question would have four answers from four different sources. One was the cab driver,
another was a housewife, the third was a young journalist and the fourth a Dominatrix - or
someone who dresses in leather and who has been known to use instruments of - ehem -
torture?
Young (ish) Alan chickened out when he discovered that not only would they
have to use his real name but that his photo would accompany it!! And Mr High and Mighty
thought that it might not look too good if the Editor of Call sign was seen to contribute
to a sex guide for juveniles!
In the meantime, the magazine seems to have gained the service of a gentleman
only known as Mick and who looks very un-cab-like! Such is life….
CALL CENTRE MESSAGE
The Control Room may now be the Call Centre, but the cock-ups are still the
same! This one from S57…
Pick-up from Roy Alb Hall. Put name card in window. Don’t tell passenger
who you are there for. Ask them for name…
THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A BLACKHEATH GENTLEMAN
An interesting tale of business dropped onto my desk recently involving a
member of the BOM. As you know, it is my Editor’s desire to avoid scandal especially
if the Board are involved, so I will refrain from naming this particular person. The only
clues I will give are that he lives in SE3, wears silk pyjamas (according to rumour), buys
exceedingly smart suits and has the initials AT. It would be indiscreet for me to identify
him.
Anyway, with overhaul time approaching, Mr Tog… sorry, I mean our
mysterious AT, went to the garage for a quote and was mystified to hear that his A-reg
FX4R would cost more to overhaul that it would to get a much newer vehicle. So young
Alle…er… AT put his negotiating hat on and sold his old bang…
ahem….taxi. I am pleased to announce that although he was offered a paltry £30 for
it, his negotiating skill pushed the price up to £50!! Ribena’s all round at the
Granby ….sorry, I mean Simpsons!
