Page 22
Call Sign October 2011
Another batch of views from Tom that do not necessarily reflect the views of DaC...
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TOM WHITBREAD
them. Also the stage lighting is excellent.
Getting the needle...
I was sitting in the front row with the rest of
Just over a month ago my youngest daughter
the seats in that row occupied by Dial-a-Cab dri-
phoned to ask if I would help her fellow stu-
vers and their wives or partners. As the music
dents in their Traditional Chinese Medicine
began, we jumped as it was certainly at full vol-
exams, which encompasses acupuncture, tui na,
ume and grabbed our attention as Shelia
and herbal medicine. I was fit and well and hard-
Ferguson of Three Degrees fame shared the
ly a cadaver, so how could I help? Then I was
stage with ex-Five Star singer Denise Pearson,
told it was for students doing their acupuncture
Katy Setterfield from The One and Only and
exams at the *Westminster University Poly Clinic
Zoe Birkett - a past winner of Pop Idol. Compere
close to the Post Office Tower.
for the show was Andy Abraham of X Factor
Now I'm not a coward, but I do have a fear of
and Eurovision Song Contest fame.
hypodermic needles. This goes back many years
The songs come fast and furious with over
to when I was an LAS Accident Ambulance
30 classics - all great songs that had the audi-
Driver/Attendant stationed at Lyons Place, St
ence jumping in their seats - although if you
jaw, sending him one way across the room and
John's Wood. This covered the Kilburn High
go to the show expecting the songs to sound
me in the opposite direction. Seeing this, my
Road area - famous for its Friday and Saturday
exactly like the originals, you could be a lit-
partner - who was lying across his chest - went
night fights! So much so that the police had a riot
tle disappointed because the artists sing in
deathly white with fear. As I was helping the
wagon parked there every week on both nights.
their own styles.
doctor up, more assistance arrived. We then dis-
One evening as we sat in the station, the
A great surprise was the scene with Katy
covered that a third of the hypodermic needle
emergency phone rang informing my partner
Setterfield singing and accompanied by two
was missing. It had been left deeply embedded
and me of a 999 call to the Red Lion (now shut)
male dancers. Tom Clark, who was acting as a
in the patient's leg and had to be cut out with a
in Kilburn High Road where a man had serious
TV cameraman with his assistant and besotted
probing scalpel. From that moment, I've had a
head injuries. On arrival at the scene, we were
fan of the singer, Tosh Wanagho Maud. As Tosh
phobia of hypodermic needles. So whether it's a
met by police using their well-formulated plan of
appeared from the wings, the audience's eyes
blood test or an inoculation, that little trickle of
waiting down the road until the Irishmen in the
were fixed on him and to say the theatre rocked
ice cold fear creeps down my spine.
Red Lion had knocked seven bales of s*** out of
with the sound of laughter would be an under-
So when I was offered a session of
each other! Then they'd go in and arrest a token
statement. I predict this man will go much fur-
acupuncture as recompense for acting as a
group to appear at court the next day on a drunk
ther than just being a dancer. He is a natural
patient at the Poly Clinic, I was more than
and disorderly charge.
comedian just by his facial expressions and body
worried. But Christina, the Chinese
As I looked into the drinking area of the pub,
actions. If you are old enough to remember the
acupuncturist - who had the same sick sense
I could see a rainbow of bottles, glasses and ale
great black TV duo Amos and Andy, then you
of humour that I possess - said if I did not lay
flying over the fighting Irishmen. The pub's
will know exactly what I mean.
still, she would use knitting needles!
clientele was mainly Joe and John Murphy's
If show producer Adrian Grant - his other
I must say that before she took the pleasure of
builders and road menders, many of these men
success is Thriller Live - happens to read this, I
inserting the needles, she told me to breathe in
had hands the size of shovels and the bodies of
suggest that when the show returns next year
and out, it was when breathing out that she com-
Olympic weightlifters! From the door I could see
that you change Miles Brown, the excellent tap
pleted the task of inserting the needles painless-
our patient prostrate on the far side of the pub-
dancer in the pilot scene with Sheila Ferguson
ly. With her reassuring manner, I've now had a
lic bar, but we were reluctant to move from
and put Tosh Wanagho Maud in his place. Tosh's
few more sessions to assist my digestion. I have
where we were, so my partner and I planned our
facial expressions interact with the audience par-
also signed up to have a course of Tui na, which
next move - trying and make sure we would not
ticipation part of the scene and give a little break
is massage for the stiffness in my neck region.
get injured. So we got under a table and slid it
from a show with all songs. I'm sure Sheila
Well everyone says that I am a pain in the neck.
along the floor towards the patient like a wood-
Ferguson is a big enough star to accept being
I think this proves you can overcome phobias
en umbrella. As we moved across the floor, the
upstaged for a few minutes to take this show
even if I am still closing my eyes, gritting my
bottles, glasses and bodies were bouncing off the
from being very good into a smash hit!
teeth and clutching the edge of the couch whilst
table top. We had none of the protective wear
I watched the audience as well as the per-
they put the needles into my tender body!
they have nowadays and our police style uni-
formers and you could see them looking for
*Poly Clinic: Mondays and Thursdays at 7
forms made us targets as well.
Tosh in every song, awaiting him to add his most
Hanson Street, tel 020 7911 5041.
Arriving at the patient, we saw he had severe
welcome extras. During the interval, this was
Acupuncture or Qigong Tui na £21 (OAPs or
multiple wounds to his head and a leg injury that
also repeated to me by other actors and dancers
patients with disabilities £14)...
was in keeping with being run over by a road
who had come as members of the audience. This
roller. Both of us, using one hand each on his col-
does not detract from Kate Morris and the other
Respect la Diva
lar, slid him along with us under the table back to
athletic and gifted dancers.
I noticed that some newspapers slated the musi-
the pub entrance. Once on the pavement, we
At the climax yes, I was up doing my Dad
cal Respect la Diva. Well, I went midway
were able to stem the bleeding and immobilise
Dance along with the entire DaC front row
through the short run and not just me, but every-
the leg with its multiple fractures. Then into the
and other theatregoers, who for two and a
one in the theatre seemed to thoroughly enjoy
ambulance to the old Paddington General
half hours had been transported back to
themselves! I believe it will be returning and
Hospital in Harrow Road where he was trans-
happier times.
although I may not be the Evening Standard the-
ferred to the minor operations room for work to
As we left the theatre, I was wiping tracks of
be completed on his leg. At this point you should
atre critic, I have no hesitation in saying go see
laughter tears that had burnt into my cheeks as I
know that an Irishman who has consumed 10 or
it as soon as it does!
re-listened to the songs that were still repeating in
more pints of porter and been injured, gets an
The word diva began life describing a rather
my brain. Yes Adrian, I think you and your cast
large, voluptuous lady who reached high notes
aversion to anyone in uniform or a doctor with a
could have a hit on your hands when it returns
and held them for almost an eternity. They were
very large hypodermic needle! With that in mind,
full-time. It will be well worth any theatregoer's
regarded as types of goddesses in the music pro-
the doctor requested we restrain the patient while
money to watch Respect la Diva and be able to
fession, but then it went onto describe ladies in
he attempted to anesthetise part of the leg so that
say they have seen a great West End show.
other fields of music - blues, soul, jazz and now
he could do some temporary work. This was to
It was only on until the 24 September but
modern music. This show was to be a tribute to
be done before he was sober enough to go into
should return next spring. I tell it as I see it,
some of the great female Divas in music including
the main operating theatre.
there's no bias and I say that as soon as you see
Ella Fitzgerald, Shirley Bassey, Dusty Springfield,
The sight of the needle was enough for the
it advertised next year, book some tickets for
Tina Turner, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey,
patient; he called on his inner strength, lifted his
Respect la Diva and you will have a great night...
Diana Ross and Aretha Franklin - as well as many
good leg - to which I was still attached - with the
Tom Whitbread
more. The band is on stage for the whole show
ease of a dried leaf in a hurricane! It was at this
DaC Board member
with singers and dancers performing around
point that his foot connected with the doctor's
