Ipswich or Bust? Probably bust!

Ronnie Welch (M42) is a very lucky man. His nightmare journey from Heathrow to Ipswich has a happy ending, but not before his nerves were almost torn to shreds worrying if he would ever complete the fare to the county town of Suffolk in East Anglia.
   Ronnie told Call Sign how he had been experiencing engine noise problems that hinged around the timing tensioner. He returned to his garage on several previous occasions to effect repairs, which had only been partially successful lasting just a few days before the noise came back like a boomerang returning to its owner!
   Concerned whether the cab would be satisfactory for him to go to work on at the weekend,  Ronnie took it back to his garage and they duly fitted a new timing tensioner and mounting bracket. Having parted with a considerable sum of money, Ronnie was
confident that his problems were over and looked forward to the coming weekend and trouble-free motoring. Little did he know what lay ahead over those next few days...
   Ronnie explained to Call Sign that the cab had run smoothly at first on the Saturday evening shift, but slowly the same old symptoms recurred during the freezing cold night and he just hoped he would get through the weekend’s work and that things would not get  worse before he could return to the garage yet again on the Monday morning.
   On Sunday evening he set out for work around 9.30, starting from Heathrow Airport. The engine, although noisy, didn’t sound too bad. While on the rank, a passenger approached him and enquired the fare to Woodbridge
Ron is smiling now, but he wasn’t so happy in Ipswich
in Suffolk, just north of Ipswich.  Having agreed the fare, off they went with Ronnie praying his noisy engine would not only get them both there, but get him back home as well.
   On the open road, the cab was fine. The M25 led onto the A12 through the Essex countryside and Ronnie thought his prayers were being answered. Things were going well and the cab kept on until they reached the north side of Ipswich. The engine noises had been getting steadily worse for the last few miles, but Ronnie thought his motor would last out. However, while negotiating   Suffolk’s many roundabouts, the engine noises got louder and louder while the steering became very heavy and Ronnie fought with the steering wheel to keep the cab on course. As he entered yet another roundabout, Ronnie heard an almighty clanging sound from under the bonnet and thought that an engine part had fallen off the cab into the road! As he crept cautiously around the fourth
roundabout, there was a huge bang from inside the engine bay and the steering became almost impossibly heavy to control. He knew then it was serious and that he was in real trouble…
   "Funnily enough," Ronnie continued with a smile, "my first
thought was no golf on Monday!"
Further ahead Ronnie saw a BP
fuel station and staggered towards it, feeling safer if he could make it that far while fighting the heavy steering. As he entered the garage forecourt, Ronnie had another shock when he realised his brakes had failed due to the lack of power assistance from the servo! Narrowly missing a canopy support post, the cab shuddered to a complete stop. Ronnie then had the unenviable task of telling his passenger the obvious… it was the end of the road for Ronnie and his cab!
   He admitted: "The passenger admitted saying to the traffic warden at Heathrow that he thought my cab might not complete the trip because of the noisy engine! I phoned a local cab company to pick up my passenger and the cab driver’s face was a picture when he saw a broken-down London taxi. I offered the passenger £10 towards his cab fare but he graciously declined, but I insisted he took the money. I then phoned the AA to get me back to Dunbridge Street, arriving there at 4am on Monday morning. Wearing only lightweight clothes on a freezing cold night, I slept in the back of the cab until the garage opened for business. When they raised the bonnet, they saw the timing belt completely shredded and the pulleys disintegrated, damaging the alternator in the process. In fairness to my garage, they swallowed the cost of the complete repairs and I cannot thank them enough for their gesture.
   Needless to say, the scheduled game of golf was cancelled as I went back home to rest after my Ipswich or bust night!"

© Call Sign Magazine MM9

SMILE

Terry was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realised that it was his daughter’s birthday and that he hadn't bought her anything. Then out the corner of his eye he saw a swanky looking toy store. Knowing that it was now or never, he pulled his TX4 over to the side and ran in.
   The shop was so big and his knowledge of toys so small that he felt totally lost. So he grabbed the attention of a shop assistant. When asked what he would like, Terry said the first thing that came to mind: "A Barbie doll, please". The shop assistant looked at him in that particularly condescending manner that only west end shop assistants can muster up and asked which Barbie would that be "sir?"
   The flustered cabbie looked surprised at the question, so the assistant continued: "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for £19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for £19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for £19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for £19.95, Barbie Goes Night Clubbing for £19.95 and Divorced Barbie for £265."
   The man - not knowing much about Barbie - asked why Divorced Barbie was £265 when all the other Barbie’s were selling for £19.95?"
   "That's obvious," replied the assistant, "divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car and Ken’s furniture ...."


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